Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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