everyone is single if you try hard enough
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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