the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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