Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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