im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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