Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize