I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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