if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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