This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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