You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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