fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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