I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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