I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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