I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize