i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
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even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
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Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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