i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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