i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Less talking, more tequila
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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