we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize