We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
MIDGETS
????
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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