I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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