This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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