i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize