I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
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I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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