I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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