Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize