It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we're so committed to being not committed
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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