i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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