he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize