two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize