Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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