how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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