'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
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I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
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Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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