no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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