just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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