I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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