come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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