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So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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