wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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