its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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