Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize