I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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