I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize