i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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