the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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