Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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