The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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