I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
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To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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