Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize