I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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