i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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